Let's talk about a victim mindset— what it is, how it hurts us, and what we can do to change it.
We recently kicked off our weekly book clubs, and the feedback from readers about the book It's the Depression for Me has been unreal. Teens are saying the book makes them feel understood, like someone else actually gets what they're going through. In addition to that, they're discovering new ways to view life and strategies to start feeling better.
One of the big perspective shifts I bring up in the book is having a victim mindset vs a victor mindset:
"All I could see was everything that was going wrong in my life, and I became blind to anything that was going right. I ended up believing that my life was pointless because I couldn't get everything perfect.
This is called having a victim mentality, when you automatically assume all bad things that happen are specifically targeted towards you. You also choose to focus on the negative in every situation, rather than appreciate the positive."
It's in our nature as humans to find what is wrong in a situation, and to focus on that. Especially as a teenager when you are exposed to more life challenges than ever before, it may seem easier to resort to thinking about how everything sucks.
I still find myself doing that sometimes, and then I remember— it takes way more energy to argue for your limitations than it does to just let go and move on. Once you learn that being a victor is also an option, you'll find yourself wanting to choose that mentality more often.
"Having a victor mentality means always finding a way to succeed no matter what challenges are thrown at you. Be the one who looks for a solution and helps create something of value rather than tearing others down."
Even if it seems easier to be a victim, it feels better to be a victor.
Start noticing how you react to daily occurrences, even with homework. I know we've all been guilty of putting it off and stressing over it. I understand that it's hard and that online school isn't helping you learn the material in the way you need to. Try looking at it this way though: you have homework to get done, and you can either stress yourself out about it and agonize about it for hours, or you can just do your best and get it over with and then go on to enjoy the rest of your evening.
Just try it and see how you feel! If you want more life advice, pick up a copy of It's the Depression for Me: 3 Ways to Make Being a Teenager Suck Less.